|
| wow, I haven't written in Xanga in ages, I don't know why the sudden urge, but I guess I've been home for way to long (a week) and now I'm looking for something to do. This is the first Christmas where I actually have time to spend time with friends and family, instead, I spent it all on watching tv, shopping, and shopping.
What I came to realize is that we live in such a material oriented world, and most of us are trapped within a society where things=love=care=affection=anything. There are countless commercials telling you to purchase that special item for that loved one, to "grant a wish" instead of giving just a plain gift. Or to make this holiday extra special by having more things. I found myself buying extraordinary gifts for my parents (since this is the first year that I am able to perform such action) hoping to change the tone of this holiday season. However, my parents showed no over-the-top extra love towards me, no "magic moment" happened since I "granted their wishes" with things that I bought.
I don't exactly know what it is, but something just does not feel right. At the mall I struggle at the decision of whether or not I should purchase a pair of ALDO boots that are marked-down from $180 to $80, AND an additional 50% off, which means these boots only cost $40. Even though I have never ever worn something like this, I was tempted to purchase it solely on the attractiveness of the marked-down price. I know deep down that I would never wear these boots on a day to day basis, but with a 10% chance that they'll be useful, $40 almost went down the drain. 8 hours later (which is now), I am still sort of regretting not getting those boots, but the reality is, would I ever need them?
I just finished watching Oprah on tv, and the show was about people who followed their calling, and now they are making a difference in this world... even if it means collecting pajamas for the inner city kids who do not have families, or building schools in poor villages... they are still making a difference. What have I done in the past 22 years of my life? Not much, I spend the past week of my life watching extravagant weddings on tv, wishing the same for myself; digging through the piles of sale items and purchase things that are cute, but I or the person that I am purchasing the gift for, will perhaps never wear. Why do I feel so useless? I could make a donation to the charity that builds schools and libraries, $40=4 books for the children, but why does $40 all of a sudden seem like such a huge amount of money? Is it because I am trapped in this world where we are taught to be selfish? Large quantities of money spent on ourselves seems like a well deserved investments, but money spend to save others seems like such a burden. Why is that? Is it because there are way too many poor to help that one tiny $40 donation won't make a different? Or is it because we just simply don't care?
Bhutto was assassinated today, I don't know how many people our age were affected by this news, but my daily morning show "The View" was interrupted by this headline news so I thought I had to pay attention to what was going on. This women, who represents democracy for her people was killed today. Talk about world peace. I don't exactly know how I made the connection between shopping to Bhutto, but this is xanga, and I am just rambling.
I guess my conclusion statements would be... I want to get out of this bubble and go into the world. Things are happening fast, but all we are trained to see is to be successful, to get that dream job so we can BUY those special things for those special people, and in turn make them feel special? Not...
Something just doesn't seem right... how can we be so comfortable in our own little bubble when we KNOW there are millions of needs out there? Why am I still thinking about going back to the mall to buy those boots, when I KNOW that kids are left without education, and I can help them by buying them books? Selfishness has corrupted our minds and our soul, all those theories of a free economy, yeah they talking about selfishness creates efficiency, but when is that going to start benefiting the poor?
I wrote a lot in this xanga entry, not really sure if it all makes sense, but this is what is on my mind at this current moment. So that's it.
| | |
| Scene: Sitting at a table at espresso on State Street: to my left a group of homeless people; to my right a group of professors, I can't help but overhearing both conversations....
Homeless guy 1: My lady bought me coffee
Homeless guy 2: Well my lady bought me coffee AND a croissant
Homeless guy 1: Well I'm 43 and I'm still alive
Homeless guy 2: So? I'm 40 and I'm still alive
Homeless guy 1: Shut up, at least I'm prettier
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Professor 1: But the novel does not explicitly explain the existence of such Utopia
Professor 2: Yes but I don't think that was the intent of the author
Professor 1: Well the author should at least touch upon the other side of the argument
Professor 2: (said something I completely did not understand)
lol, I gota say I love Ann Arbor, it is only in this place that both conversations could exist
| | |
| New Years Resolution:
1. Focus more on God
2. Appreciate the people who actually cares about me
3. Dress up more (HAHAHHAHAHA like that's gonna happen..)
4. Focus on what's important, and not let other things get to me
5. Appreciate the people who actually cares about me
6. Run more
7. Take care of myself
8. Resolve un-necessary drama
9. BE HAPPY! 
| | |
| Life is full of obstacles and struggles, everyone's going through different things at different times.....sometimes, it just never seem to end
pray for healing, pray for strength, and pray for those around you, you never know what they are going through....
pray for those who don't know God, who need him desperately....
Been broken, put through a fire.
Felt the heat melt all my strength away
Felt so lonely, felt so abandoned.
"Where is God?" I heard my little voice say.
I need You. I need You.
Oh Lord, please hold me next to You.
I need you. I need You.
Oh Lord, don't let me fall from You.
Lord, I know this life isn't easy,
And I know that You never promised no pain.
Trials will come and trials will test me.
But help me, Lord--it's hard to see them as gain
I forgot that You're right beside me.
Let me know that You're with me through the length.
Though I'm weak, this is my prayer--
Through my weakness, Lord, please be my strength.
| | |
| You are not just a memory, you are a legacy. We miss you andy  | | |
|
